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June 01, 2007

DEAR KOBE, I H8 YOU, SIGNED ANDYTOWN

After my vitriol-filled rant in the last email, the sportswriting community has risen to Kobe's defense, here and elsewhere . This is because sportswriters are hard-wired to create controversy, as opposed to maintaining any kind of moral principle. A scoop junkie like the pathetic Dan Wetzel will stand on phony moral principle to make a compelling headline (BOISE STATE IS THE GREATEST TEAM EVER AND NOBODY CARES! CALL THE POLICE!), but this is just because he is lazy and bad at his job. I have no idea how this started or when this started, but I do know from my hideously nerdy collection of 1980s Sports Illustrateds* that in 1989 the climate was much more mature and even-tempered, as opposed to all the clammering and finger-pointing that goes on out there now. Instead of creating controversy, these guys should be going after all the two commissioners who have single-handedly ruined their respective sports.

But the hacks want to defend Kobe and take down the Lakers' organization to fuel their archetypal need for hero/villain stories, despite the fact that he:

A) Is Moody and Aloof Except for Well-Planned Publicity Stunts
B) Has Been Unable to Get Past the 1st Round of the Playoffs since Shaq left
C) Demanded the Exit and Rehiring of Phil Jackson
D) Raped A Woman In Colorado In The Midst of Being The Most Highly Publicized and Promoted Athlete on the Planet

None of those are really being addressed here except for point (C), and this in terms of revisionist history. If Jackson didn't leave BECAUSE of Kobe, then why did he leave? And if Jackson didn't come back at the bequest of Kobe, then why did he come back? Because Chris Mihms wanted him? Kobe has made the Lakers please him at every point, and he has responded in his own sullen, childish way, thus becoming the embodiment of everything that is bad about professional sports: ridiculously talented manchilds** who have not matured emotionally past the age of 16, when the crescendo of adulation became so loud that said manchild stopped thinking.

I don't buy the argument that athletes shouldn't be held to a higher standard than everyone else. Once they start doing endorsements and plastering their face and "identity" across billboards and making chunks of money for it, they become responsible for the image they project. If an athlete doesn't want the traditional scrutiny, he should avoid the spotlight.

On this standard, Kobe has been wildly successful; he's the American Dream for athletes who want to be pampered and have no public responsibility. The situation has worked like this: Kobe is the best sports product that the biggest major market in Sports has, and he knows this and has used this to his advantage. However, Kobe is an extremely selfish individual so he insinuates that his team should dump the legendary player who has actually won the championships (who, of course, proceeds to win a championship). Kobe demands the organization please him at every point and in order to do this takes makes the Front Office schizophrenic: Do we do what's best for the team, or do we make Kobe happy? (No matter what any of these writers say, its not the same thing: Kobe was happy when he's scoring 50 a game and the Lakers are winning 42 games.) In a curious turn of events, the Lakers trade the Franchise Center who has been the star of all their championship runs and fire the most successful Coach in NBA History. And we're arguing that its fallacious to think that this didn't happen because of their very-demanding star?

The Lakers got what they deserved, and Kobe got what he wanted.

* - Which I bought off Ebay for 65 bucks (including shipping) and which I have read three times each because of an insatiable desire to learn more about what Ralph Sampson was up to in 1983.

** - For argument's sake: here are the ten best players in the NBA. The argument, BTW, is that Kobe is the best player in the league, a fact that I wholeheartedly disagree with because I think being the best has something to do with winning.

1) Tim Duncan - He's about to win his fourth championship. Take him off those teams, they struggle to make the playoffs.

2) Dwyane Wade - Next season, the Heat will return to being the best in the East because they have an unstoppable superstar whom everyone wants to play with and nobody wants to play against. Outside of he and Shaq, that team would get stomped by college teams.

3) Dirk Nowitzki - He drops after choking, but can anybody do what he does?

4) Lebron James - After last night's soon-to-be-legendary performance, the only conference final game I've watched, he moves up

5) Steve Nash - If he could play defense, he'd be number one.

6) Shaquille O'Neal - When healthy, he is still an unstoppable, must-be-double teamed force who opens up the floor for the rest of his team

7) Kobe Bryant - Yes, he can do it all, but he is incapable of making a team better; this is not a judgement, just a fact

8) Gilbert Arenas - If I had to choose between him and Kobe, I'd choose him. Kobe is clearly a better (but still overrated) defender, but Arenas likes his teammates and has made an effort to endear himself with fans through joyously weird behavior. Case in point: Me; he's my favorite player.

9) Carlos Boozer - The best true Power Forward in the game; just had a breakout season.

10) Amare Stoudamire - A freak of an athlete who is only getting better

| By Andytown | 08:48 AM

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Posted by: bethan at June 2, 2007 11:14 PM

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