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December 21, 2007
PUT THE CERTIFICATE UNDER YOUR CHIN, HONEY!
Friends and loved ones and readers who don't comment so I have no idea who you are -
Most of you know my dear friend Kevin Westbrook. For the last 20-odd years I've known him, I have enjoyed his gregarious personality, Sportscenter-cribbed vocabulary, love for college athletics, off-putting humor, and disturbing childhood as a chess prodigy.
It is with a mix of amusement and great amusement, then, that I present to you this picture:
What's my goal? It's pretty epic, actually - I want to make this picture an internet sensation. My goal is to give this 13 year old chess prodigy the popularity (albeit dubious and ironic) that he could never have in real life. Unlike today, where chess stars are golden gods rarely seen without an entourage of admirers and beautiful women, in 1990, teenage chess sensations were mostly the recipients of snickers, atomic wedgies, and hand-me-downs from the Ozier family (a fact Kevin has confirmed to me - his whole outfit once belonged to John Ozier*).
It will be like that Stephen King book** where the only way you can kill the child's ghost that's haunting your lake house is to seek violent revenge on the withered town magnate and his necromancing secretary who are responsible for his murder. If Kevin can become a star today, my hope is that it will rupture the space-time continuum and cause the thoroughly unhappy young Mr. Westbrook to buck up with a smile. I'd like to think maybe we can even make MR. WESTBROOK smile . . . but miracles are hard to come by.
I want to make Kevin the new Star Wars Kid.
* - I assume this includes his elastic waste-band khakis.
** - In other words, 80 per cent of them
| By Andytown | 05:38 PM
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Comments
Here, here! I'll vouch for this one.
Posted by: Joey at January 2, 2008 02:31 PM
Love the picture. Kevin Westbrook meets Milton Waddams.
Posted by: ATP at January 23, 2008 06:39 PM