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June 24, 2009
TRANSFORMERS STINKS (NO I HAVEN'T SEEN IT)
REVIEWS OF THE NEW TRANSFORMERS
I love it when critics band together to attack a terrible movie. Here's a few:
". . . the ugliest, most hateful, most simple-minded and incomprehensible assault on art and decency since the last Michael Bay movie. It's bad (that goes without saying), and it's possible that even its fans will have the brute sense to recognize that it's bad--but it's bad in such a way that defies easy description. It's so bad, it's exasperating." - Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination." - Roger Ebert
"For far too long, the movie consists of chase scenes, scrotum jokes, shrieked conversations, broad slapstick, and depressingly regressive ethnic caricatures. A good deal of time is also wasted on LaBeouf and dream-girl Megan Fox dickering over when he'll finally say "I love you." Which is an odd choice for a film otherwise once again pitched at 13-year-old boys, to whom fart jokes are always funny, all women below the age of 40 are apparently plasticine porn stars, and nothing's cool unless it blows up--or better yet, in an unfortunate running gag, humps something else and then blows up." - Tasha Robinson, AV Club
"At 149 minutes, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is six minutes longer than the 2007 noise machine from which this sequel sprang, but those six minutes are like dog minutes. . . "Revenge of the Fallen" is more like listening to rocks in a clothes dryer for 2½ hours. Nobody's looking for anything other than relentless, brainless action from this sort of movie, but Bay, whose best junk came early with "Bad Boys" and " The Rock," offers nothing but visual and aural chaos. No one moves a camera more restlessly, to less interesting effect, than this man, although his sense of space is his own, I'll grant him that: Each time the battle between the Autobahns and the Technocrats (I think I have that right -- sorry, make that Autobots and Decepticons) comes down to one 'bot against another, you cannot really tell what's happening, and who's vivisecting whom. Your eye instinctively flees to the far corners of the screen for some relief from the computer-generated mayhem." - Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune
| By Andytown | 10:22 AM