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November 23, 2009
VICKY CRISTINA NO THANK YOU
I love Woody Allen - I love the way his films oscillate between psychological realism and gleeful absurdity. I love the moment when he pulls Marshall McLuhan out from behind a cardboard movie stand-up, and I love the part in PLAY IT AGAIN SAM when he asks a girl what she's doing Saturday, and she tells him she's committing suicide, and he asks her what she's doing Friday. I like it when he sneezed and shot cocaine everyone and I like the way a Marx Brothers movie made him think life was worth living. I like Woody Allen movies that everyone likes (such as the ones I've mentioned) and I like the ones that no one likes: CELEBRITY, A MIDSUMMER SEX COMEDY, STARDUST MEMORIES, SMALL TIME CROOKS, and EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK.
Woody Allen is neither overrated or underrated; he's an academy award winner who makes a movie every year and some of them are great and some are mediocre. Over the last ten years, his output has been spotty, redeemed by MATCH POINT and - in some eyes - the recent VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA.
I couldn't agree less. Here is a film that doesn't capture any kind of live reality, yet tries to make bold statements about the nature of love. Three of the most beautiful people in the world (Bardem, Johannson, Cruz) occupy archetypes instead of characters; this was also a problem in MELINDA AND MELINDA. And they live in the kind of remarkable luxury that refuses to acknowledge a world that operates on any reasonable currency.
This has been a big problem for post 1980-Woody, who himself is a rich man and could never make a movie about the kind of schlubs who showed up in his wonderful, hilarious early work. These part-time teachers, out-of-work actors, fledgling comedy writers, and graduate students live in two bedroom apartments that the actors playing them probably couldn't afford. This spiritual problem carries over to VICKY: Barcelona apparently has no poverty; both American and Spaniard alike live in villas and mansions that Woody probably scouted on tourist calendars. This is because, I imagine, these are the kinds of places he goes when he visits Barcelona. It is an opulent fantasy that never acknowledges its opulence, and a luxuriousness that is ridiculously acknowledged as the status quo.
Cruz plays a troubled artist type and Bardem plays a Don Juan. Bardem's character has the potential to be the most interesting: he's far from the neurotic Allen surrogates that act as protagonists in most of his recent films (most recently played by Larry David). But no one like this has ever lived or will ever live - he's without nuance or narrative, and Bardem salvages it just because he's so damn interesting to watch. But the characters are crazy and passionate only so much as Woody needs them to be and never more.
(Side note: Bardem must be 5 foot 2; both of the actresses in the film are taller than him. He and Tom Cruise would stand side by side in a line-up)
(Another side note: I recently rewatched RAIN MAN - I've said it before and I'll say it here: Cruise gives one of the best performances of the 80s in that film and no one ever notices it. He makes the movie work).
There is a threesome between three of the best looking people in the world and it's referred to nonchalantly. At one point Johannson, Bardem's new lover, allows him to sleep with his ex-wife, who he still admits infatuation with. We don't see the conversation that allows this to happen, probably because Allen was too lazy to write it. The whole movie is clumsily explained in an intrusive, unnecessary voice-over. If ever "Show Don't Tell" were needed outside a creative writing class, it's here.
Barcelona looks great and the music (as always) is evocative. But it exists in a world of doll-houses and landscape photos. There was an excellent movie about Barcelona, and it was called, fittingly enough, BARCELONA. This is a romance that isn't romantic, a sex comedy that is only vaguely sexy. I mentioned doll-houses and this is my problem with Allen and it's my problem with Sam Mendes: they get the world's biggest playsets and churn out something hacky, clumsy, and unoriginal.
Woody Allen was once a great director, but if this is the best he can do, he needs to hang it up. This film lacks the charm and the deep insight that marked his post ANNIE HALL work, as well as the brilliant wit that has carried him from stand-up comedy to movie-making legend status. VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA is the worst movie he's ever made, and it will be a while before I consider seeing another one he makes.
| By Andytown | 5:55 PM